


Stay, Just a Moment

by Han Han (MBBHanulie)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, BDSM, Bondage, College, Exhibitionism, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Mean Kihyun, Mental Health Issues, One Night Stands, Smut, kihyuk, one night stand turned lovers, topki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-08-11 02:50:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20146387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MBBHanulie/pseuds/Han%20Han
Summary: When a one night stand becomes something, someone.. You can’t bear to live without.





	1. The Meeting

"Hyung! If you don't hurry I'm leaving without you!" It was Saturday night, and an impatient voice was urging the amused blonde to step on the gas and stop pondering what to wear for _ just _this once. Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head. Of course it wasn't that simple- it was Saturday after all, his time to shine, to show the world what he.. And his body.. Were capable of. 

He chewed on his lip thoughtfully, staring at his mostly naked self in the mirror with a raised eyebrow. He liked the way his body was shaped, for the most part. His delicate limbs and softly defined muscles, his skin was a sweet milk and he was often told he looked airbrushed- there wasn't much to dislike. And yet still, he felt vulnerable like this, and he didn't like it. 

Finally, at least half an hour later (maybe more, but who's counting? Definitely not Changkyun-) Minhyuk was ready. His high cheekbones were adorned with the most delicate lavender highlight, his lips a peachy pink, and his kind eyes had a smokey rim of eyeshadow around them, making him appear almost.. Catlike. “Wooow Hyung, you look great!” The youngest said with a sneaky grin, walking over and tugging on the red sweater that hung off Minhyuk’s shoulders. He had to admit, he did feel pretty great. This was his favorite sweater, and he’d made sure to pair it with ripped white skinnies - skinnier than he usually preferred - and, of course, his signature fishnets, poking through each rip in an almost teasing fashion.

“Do you think it’s enough, Kyunnie?” Min asked as he turned in a circle, running a hand through his gently tousled ash-blonde hair. He knew the younger would know what he meant; his ex would likely be there, and he had to prove (if not to his ex, then to himself), that he was the one who had gotten away, not the other way around. That he didn’t need some stuffy big guy anyways, he was a god on his own. Even if that stuffy big guy had a really, _ really _attractive back, and arms that could squeeze the life out of him-

He was brought back to his senses with a friendly shake to his arm, and looked down to see a heart-swelling, dimpled smile. “Hyungie, it’s more than enough. You’re going to knock them dead.” Changkyun nodded his head in assurance before dragging Minhyuk through the door, his little feet making squeaking sounds on the linoleum. “Now let’s hurry the fuck up before we’re late!”

Minhyuk chuckled softly, following after the younger boy without a fight. He looked good, too, though Minhyuk would never admit it to his face- the boy had too much of an ego already. But that didn’t stop the older of the two from admiring the way his friend always looked so good in his all black outfits, or the way his leather jacket accentuated his petite frame so well. It made Minhyuk.. Jealous, almost. He squinted his eyes, shaking his head to remove the thought. _ Jealous? That was ridiculous. Right? _

_ ================================ _

Groaning in protest, Kihyun pushed Hoseok away from him, staring daggers at the older boy. They had been fighting for over an hour about letting him do Ki’s makeup, and finally he had caved, but this was the final straw. “I don’t want to wear eyeshadow, Hoseok.” He said firmly, glaring up at him. Sure, there was a major juxtaposition between them- where Hoseok was massive, Kihyun was small and petite; but where Hoseok was actually very soft and sweet, Kihyun was intimidating and mean, a true force of nature.

“Fine, fine. No eyeshadow. But pleaaaaase, can I do your eyeliner? It would look so nice with your outfit Kiki, I promise.” He pouted, and it was all Kihyun could do not to hit him right there. He hated how sweet Hoseok always looked, how everyone was always wrapped around his finger, and how even he- yes, THE Yoo Kihyun, couldn’t help but cave when he batted his eyelashes. It had been like that since they were kids, and he hated it, but he couldn’t fault the older boy. No, truly, Hoseok was more innocent than he looked, without a single mischievous bone in his body.

Kihyun sighed in exasperation, sitting back down with a soft _ thud. _ “I don’t even want to go to the club. I ** _never_ ** want to go, why are you forcing me to go with you two tonight?” He closed his eyes and let Hoseok continue to apply the makeup to his lids, hearing Hyunwoo speak behind him. 

“There’s someone I want to see tonight. And you could stand to have a bit more fun, Kihyun. It’s been weeks since we had a friday out.” He added, as if it would convince Kihyun that this was the better choice, as opposed to staying inside and, probably, studying. About twice a month, they were able to drag him off to go clubbing with them, but lately he’d been too busy to go with them, no matter how much they persuaded him. Finally, they were going, and if they had to drag his angry ass out of the house, then so be it.

Kihyun let out another deep sigh, his eyelids fluttering open. “I have better things to do than to go to a club with sweaty men and touchy women.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll find someone special?” Hoseok said lightly, stepping back from his work of art with a smile. Kihyun stepped over to the mirror, admiring himself. Alright, so maybe Hoseok knew what he was doing with that makeup brush of his. His eyes were lined perfectly, with a faded wing that made him look more intimidating, and made him feel powerful. 

“I highly doubt there’s going to be anyone there you could call ‘special,’ Hoseok. It’s a club. Everyone there is trying to get wasted or laid. That’s literally it.” He spoke harshly, but, despite his words, he smiled, popping a piece of gum into his mouth as they walked out the door. He was curious, really, who would be there tonight. He had never been to this particular club on a Saturday; perhaps it would be.. Different.

_ ================================ _

The air was thick, the smell of alcohol and perfume overwhelming his senses as he pushed through the crowd on the dancefloor, searching for Changkyun. The little rat had slipped out of his grasp again, leaving him alone in a gaggle of handsy men. He didn’t mind, really, the way people at the club loved to touch him. In fact, that was why he came. He wanted to feel important, even if it was just due to their alcohol induced lust.

Still, he felt a responsibility to take care of the younger boy when they came without Jooheon or Hyungwon. He was strong, of course, and could probably take care of himself, but what would Minhyuk do if something bad happened to him?

Finding no sign of the younger, he sat down on a stool at the bar, pulling out his phone and frowning down at it, noticing a text from the very boy he was looking for.

Minhyuk rolled his eyes, slipping the phone back into his pocket and groaning. Of course Changkyun would leave him alone. It wasn’t even midnight yet, and he hadn’t seen his ex- or any other good looking guys, for that matter.

He narrowed his eyes, calling the bartender over and ordering a few drinks. Fine. If he was going to be here alone, he was going to make the most of it. A soft smile spread across his face as he downed the first shot, pulling at his sweater to make sure his collar bones were exposed. Whether his ex was here or not didn’t matter. Minhyuk was back in business.

_ ================================ _

Oh, it was different. _ Very _ different. And _ very loud. _Kihyun winced the moment they stepped into X, their university’s favorite local club. 

“It’s not usually like this on the weekend, is it?” He shouted over the music, and Hoseok shrugged, calling out to someone across the way from them and making his way over to say hi. Hyunwoo, too, seemed to disappear, leaving Kihyun alone in the middle of the dance floor. He looked around, grimacing a bit at the sight of strangers grinding against each other. This was why he didn’t like going out. It was just so.. Dirty. 

Of course, that wasn’t to say that Kihyun was very.. Clean, himself. Sometimes, he loved getting down and dirty with someone. But that was always alone, when he could really be himself, just him and a good little-

He’s bumped from behind as someone walked past, dragging him out of his thoughts. Eyeing the bar, he chewed on his lip for a moment before making the resolve to have a drink, loosen up a bit. He was already here, right? Why not enjoy it?

Sitting at the bar, drink in hand, Kihyun had a clear view of the dance floor. Hoseok was nowhere to be found, but he could see Hyunwoo, his hands around some girl’s waist as they danced together. What caught Kihyun’s attention, however, wasn’t the way he was dancing, or who he was with, but the way he seemed completely distracted by something to his left.

Following his gaze, Kihyun felt his breath hitch in his throat at the sight of another man, dancing carelessly, his hands around the neck of a tall man behind him. At first, he wondered if that extravagant beauty came from a foreigner, the stranger’s blonde hair and strong jaw throwing him off a bit. Upon further inspection, however, he realized that it was not, in fact, a foreigner, despite the way his body moved. Despite the way he arched his back, mouth parted slightly as he grinded against the man behind him, his body moving perfectly to the music. 

Kihyun couldn’t keep his eyes off of him, trailing across his body and taking in his beautiful legs, and the fishnets under his jeans that Kihyun wanted oh so badly to just rip off. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t gotten laid since his last boy toy, but either way, he felt himself moving towards the dance floor, his eyes locked onto the blonde like a predator who had found its prey.

He walked up to the two of them, pulling the mysterious boy away from the man he was dancing with without hesitation, silencing any protest from the abandoned dancer with a dark glare, and pulling the blonde to his body, resting his hands on the soft fabric around his waist. He was probably an inch taller than Kihyun, and oh, how that infuriated him, how he just wanted to push him onto his knees and look down at his pretty face- but maybe that was just the alcohol talking..

The boy didn’t seem to notice the change in dance partners, or maybe he didn’t care; but Kihyun wanted him to care. He wanted him to be just as enthralled with Kihyun’s appearance, he wanted him to be staring at him in awe. 

“Hey,” he spoke into his ear, feeling his skin flush as their bodies rubbed against each other. “What’s your name?” Maybe it was a boring question, but Kihyun didn’t care. He needed to know.

“Minhyuk,” responded the taller boy, seeming to finally notice the difference as his eyes opened. He had an uneven blink, Kihyun noticed, and it was charming, more than he liked to admit. He slipped his hands under the soft red fabric of Minhyuk’s sweater, trailing his fingers across sensitive skin. There went that mouth again, parting ever so slightly in response to Ki’s delicate touch, making the shorter boy swallow hard- it was like he knew all of Kihyun’s weaknesses, and they’d never met before. 

“Minhyuk.. I’m Kihyun.” He lowered his voice, trailing his lips down to Minhyuk’s jaw and nipping gently, feeling his chest swell with satisfaction at the soft gasp that escaped from the blonde’s mouth. Now this.. Was a good reason to come to the club on a Saturday night.

_ ================================ _

“Ow, fuck-” Kihyun had missed the entrance to his room ever so slightly, slamming his elbow into the door frame as he pulled his companion into the bedroom, sucking onto his bottom lip. Perhaps the fervent makeout session while walking backwards wasn’t his smartest idea ever, but he didn’t care. He needed, _ needed _to feel those sweet lips under his, needed to enjoy every bit of this moment, the realness of it.

Minhyuk chuckled a bit, and Kihyun felt his blood boil. Who did this tall boy think he was, laughing at him? Narrowing his eyes, he pushed Minhyuk down onto the bed, pushing the taller boy’s knees up to his chest, leaning between them as he kissed him roughly, making sure to leave him gasping as they pulled apart. 

Looking down at the boy under him, Kihyun smiled softly, licking his lips. God, he really was attractive, and the way he just stared up at Kihyun through his lashes, those pretty cheeks flushed ever so slightly, it made Ki’s heart race. 

“Let’s get these clothes off of you, baby.” He whispered, unbuttoning those tight white jeans and sliding them down, feeling his heart in his throat as he looked down at him now, lying on his bed in just a red sweater and a pair of fishnets, pretty lacy underwear just begging to be pulled off. It was.. Hot.

Minhyuk started to whine impatiently, and Ki leaned down, kissing him firmly before pulling off the sweater and tossing it to the side. His hands caressed those pretty thighs, wishing he could rip the fishnets in half, like he would have with one of his exes. But Minhyuk was different, Minhyuk was new, and he didn’t want him to get offended and leave. So instead, he took his time, relishing in the way the blonde squirmed under his touch, his hands peeling the stockings off of him with care until they, too, were discarded. He stared down at the pretty pale skin, now sparkling with tiny beads of sweat as Kihyun ran his hands down the well defined chest, stopping at the band of his underwear with a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Fuck, just touch me,” Minhyuk begged, his hands curling into the blanket below him as he tried desperately to worm his pelvis in such a way that Kihyun would be forced to make contact. Chuckling, Ki dug his thumbs into the other’s hip bones, watching the way his body reacted to every, single, touch. It was mesmerizing.

By now, he too had had enough. The way Minhyuk was whimpering below him, his own erection was pressing painfully into the black skinnies he had worn, and he didn't want to hold back anymore. With a frustrated groan, he unbuttoned his jeans, letting his erection spring forth. Minhyuk moaned at the sight, and Kihyun smiled, enjoying the look he was giving him, like he was the most delectable thing on earth. Like he wanted nothing more than for Kihyun to fuck his brains out.

Smirking a bit, Kihyun hooked his thumb around Minhyuk’s lacey underthing. “What do you want, baby?” He asked lightly, teasing him. It was enjoyable, watching the flushed boy whine, watching how he writhed under Kihyun’s touch. He wanted him bad, and he knew the other felt the same. He could _ see _it.

“Please, Kihyun, just- just fuck me, god please I’m going crazy,” Minhyuk breathed, looking up at him with one eye closed. Kihyun nodded, leaning against him to plant his lips on the other boy’s neck, not hesitating to give him a few love bites in the process. Standing up for a moment, Ki opened a drawer and pulled out a pack of condoms, ripping one open eagerly and applying it with one hand in hardly any time at all- he was skilled at this.

“Alright baby, since you asked so nicely,” He cooed, pulling the underwear down to Minhyuk’s knees. He didn’t want them off all the way; stuck here, he looked pretty and helpless, his knees bent and legs raised high. Kihyun squeezed the tender skin around Minhyuk’s thighs, moving lower and lower until he cupped the tall boy’s cheeks, running his thumb over the soft pucker that was begging to be filled. Squirting some lube from the bedside table into his hand, Ki wormed his way into the delicate cavern, listening to Minhyuk’s soft gasp as the cold liquid overwhelmed his senses. Kihyun loved this, loved teasing him, using his fingers to loosen him up, loved hearing his sweet moans. He used his free hand to keep those legs up, squeezing ever so lightly at just the right times, hearing the soft gasps of surprise that would leave Minhyuk’s mouth every time.

Finally, he was ready. Squirting some more lube onto his covered cock, he lined himself up, shushing the blonde softly at the whines of protest he got when removing his fingers. Slowly, he pressed his hips to Minhyuk’s- he didn’t want to hurt him by going too fast, he didn’t know the boy’s limit.

“M-more,” Minhyuk begged, as if hearing Kihyun’s thoughts. “Don’t hold back,” He added, biting his lip as Kihyun thrusted forward again, just barely harder, his member pulsing within the walls of Minhyuk’s ass. Well, Kihyun thought, if that’s what he wanted, that’s what he would get. 

He was so hot, so tight, Kihyun couldn’t help himself as he pounded forward, his legs almost shaking with pleasure. He tilted his head back, his moans mixing with the echoing sound of their skin slapping together, mixing with Minhyuk’s strangled moans, with the way he yelled Kihyun’s name- as if they’d known each other for years and not just met that night. He fucking loved it, loved every bit. Minhyuk’s pretty legs were so distracting, bouncing up and down with every thrust, Kihyun almost came right there. That was his weakness- boys with pretty legs, and if there was anything that Minhyuk was, it was pretty. He wrapped his arms around Minhyuk’s thighs, pulling him closer, giving him his all. Minhyuk’s body tensed up then, arching his back as Kihyun hit _ just _ the right spot, making him blow his load right there. Fuck it was so hot, the way the blonde boy’s face showed pure bliss after that, like Kihyun really _ had _fucked his brains out. 

Kihyun came soon after, silently wishing that he really did know Minhyuk, that he didn’t have to use a condom because they knew each other well, that he could fuck him deeper and deeper, but it was a wish in vain; that wasn’t something that he could just.. Change. He sighed remorsefully at that, pushing his sweat-drenched cotton candy bangs out of his eyes and thrusting just a few more times, for good measure. He looked down at his companion, whose eyes were fluttering as if he’d fall asleep at any moment. Chuckling, Kihyun pulled out, tying the condom and tossing it in a trash bin before glancing around the room for a moment.

No matter how drunk, or how fucked out he was, he wasn’t going to let this boy fall asleep without wearing _ something. _ He smiled a bit and walked to his closet, pulling out an oversized hoodie and bringing it back to Minhyuk. 

“Hey, sit up.” He murmured, getting nothing but a displeased whine in response. Kihyun sighed, reaching forward and gently pulling the blonde into a sitting position, pushing that sweaty hair away from his face with care and pulling the hoodie onto him. “Alright, now you can sleep.” He said softly, letting him lie back down and covering him gently with the blanket. For all his friends loved to tease him about being heartless, he was actually very soft about these things.. Not that he would ever admit it.

Kihyun stretched, getting on a t-shirt and shorts and settling in next to the tall boy, who had already fallen asleep. He wondered, briefly, if the boy would still be there when he woke up. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to see him again. Maybe.. That was the best fuck of his life.

_ ================================ _

“So you’re telling me that you, THE Yoo Kihyun, Heartbreaker of the century, can’t get a guy out of his mind? A guy, mind you, that you had a one night stand with? _ And _ he took your jacket? How did he even wake up before you? You wake up at like six A.M.!” Hoseok was yelling, ** _very _ **loudly, in the middle of the University hallway between classes.

“God, Hoseok, will you shut the fuck up? Not everyone needs to know about my personal life.” He was angry, actually, that he hadn’t been able to get this mystery boy out of his mind since Saturday. Now it was Monday, and he was still daydreaming about fishnets and blonde hair, high cheekbones and a charmingly uneven blink. Still thinking about the emptiness he felt when, before the sun even rose, he woke to find himself in a cold bed, the space next to him holding only the faintest outline of a body. It was the only trace this enigma had left behind, the only thing that told Kihyun he hadn’t dreamt it. Well, that and the fact that his hoodie was very pointedly missing from the closet.

“I’m just saying, Ki. I was right. He was totally special, I knew you’d meet someone special.” Hoseok said again, bouncing ahead of him. Kihyun rolled his eyes. God, how he wished his friend would just shut up for once and stop pestering him about his love life. “What was his name again? Minhyun? Min..heon?”

“His name was Minhyuk, Hoseok, and if you don’t shut up, I'm going to beat your ass.” He said it firmly, but Hoseok only giggled, stopping in front of the door to his class. 

“Alright, fine, but maybe you should go clubbing with us again next Saturday? He might be there!” The older boy pleaded, clasping his hands together. 

Kihyun sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll.. Think about it. Now, get in there before the bell rings. And don’t you dare bring this up to any of your friends! I’ll kill you!” He yelled after Hoseok, who simply waved and ran into the room, a teasing smile on his face. Groaning, Ki leaned against the wall, pulling his phone out and tapping his messages. Maybe Hyunwoo would get coffee with him, since he didn’t have classes til the end of the day.

Just as he hit send, a familiar voice hit his ears, and he glanced up, eyes wide. Turning the corner just then, was a pretty boy with blonde hair, sparkling eyes, and a hoodie that looked too familiar. A hoodie that belonged to **him** . He watched in shock, as the boy- almost definitely Minhyuk, sped through the hallway with a packet in his arms, and a very, _ very _tall, ethereal man followed behind, drinking coffee with a dazed expression. Kihyun swallowed, feeling the color drain from his face. Was he really.. Another student? At his school? Who had walked by him without a hint of recognition in his eyes? Or was he just going crazy?

Either way, Kihyun could feel his heart pounding in his chest; it felt like his ears were going to burn off, and he worried- worried that maybe this feeling would never go away, as long as he knew that Minhyuk existed, and that he was _ this _close. That if he tried hard enough, he could reach him, and ask him- at least ask him to get a cup of coffee, or something. Kihyun’s face flushed, and he snorted at the thought. Coffee? He had never once asked someone out for coffee. And it was easy for him to get over people, especially one night stands. So then why.. Was it so hard to forget the face that Minhyuk made as he called out Kihyun’s name? The way that blissed out smile stayed on his face even as he slept, or the way he had disappeared without a trace. Why.. was Kihyun so obsessed with him?


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He knew his words would hurt, and if he was honest with himself, that was the point. He had wanted it to hurt. It was probably his biggest fault, the way he let his words hurt other people."

> It took no longer than a ** heart ** beat.  
Then all the memories were gone.  
But I could still recall.  
That it was a moment.  
A moment in which I knew.. 

“- and if Jooheon doesn’t text me back _ right now _ I’m going to his house and destroying every figurine he has, and I won’t even feel bad!” Minhyuk grumbled under his breath, stopping in his tracks to check his phone for the nth time, and letting out a frustrated groan when, in fact, there was no magic text from Jooheon.  


“Min, is it really that big of a deal? You project isn’t due for weeks, you don’t have to rush to get it done now, right?” Hyungwon reassured him, taking a sip of his coffee. Minhyuk pulled his notes closer to his chest, sighing softly. Maybe Hyungwon was right. Was it that big of a deal? Or was he just making a scene for nothing?  


“But he promised..” He mumbled, staring down at the ground. This project was really important to him. They had been assigned different fields of study, and by some stroke of luck, Minhyuk and Jooheon ended up with ‘Migration Patterns of Killer Whales.’ Sure, maybe they weren’t his _ favorite _ type of whale, but he was excited nonetheless. And Jooheon had very explicitly told him that he ** would ** be around to help him this time.  


“You know Joo is known to disappear when he has a deadline. He’s probably in the music hall hiding in one of the studios.” Hyungwon tilted his head back, downing the last of his coffee with a slight grimace. Running a hand through his light hair, Minhyuk bit the side of his cheek, nodding. If Jooheon was anywhere on campus, that would be where to look.  


“Alright, let’s go then?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at the drowsy boy, who was staring at the empty cup in his hand despondently.  
Hyungwon blinked a bit, shaking his head. “Uh, I think I should get another cup before biochem starts. That’s not really a place I’d like to be falling asleep, y’know?” He smiled apologetically at Minhyuk and waved, heading off in the direction of the cafeteria.

Kihyun watched Minhyuk as he frowned at his friend, pulling at the hem of his- no, _ ** Kihyun’s ** _ sweater nervously before heading off in the direction of the music hall. He wasn’t stalking him- just.. Following a thief who had stolen his hoodie, yeah, that was right. A thief who looked _ so ** good ** _ underneath those tight ass-  
Focus, Kihyun focus.  
He walked forward, silently stepping behind the blonde, trying to think of a way to confront him about the sweater. He almost tripped over his own feet as Minhyuk stopped to pull out his phone, and took that moment to analyze the taller boy’s face, now that he was completely sober. It was soft, his bangs framing those high cheekbones ever so lightly, kind eyes seeming to glitter as the sun hit the side of his face, creating an almost god-like glow. But one thing that Kihyun noticed, something that surprised him- was the way his eyes held so much sadness, when just before he had been bright and cheerful. And if he could recall correctly, he had also looked bright and cheerful that Saturday..  


Minhyuk glanced in Kihyun’s direction, as if he could feel the shorter boy staring at him. “Can I help you?” He asked softly, eyes flicking back to his phone as his brow furrowed. Kihyun felt taken aback, unable to stop himself from pressing an offended hand over his chest. _ Could he help him, _ pfft, the nerve of him to act so.. So…. Unaffected.  


“Uh, excuse me? Do you not remember? I mean obviously, you must remember. You’re wearing- I’m sorry, are you listening?” Kihyun shifted his weight and gave Minhyuk a pointed glare, his eye twitching when he earned no more than a confused squint from the latter.  


Minhyuk blinked again, shoving his phone into his pocket and shaking his head, eyes still showing no recognition. “I don’t.. S-sorry, what’s your name again?” He asked, offering a polite smile as some consolation. Kihyun felt his ears burning red- this was humiliating; here Minhyuk was, wearing _ ** his ** _ jacket, and he had the audacity to pretend like he didn’t know his name?  


“Kihyun! My name is Kihyun, and you- you’re literally wearing my jacket, what the fuck?!” His voice rose an octave, and he flushed deeper, feeling eyes on him. At last, Minhyuk’s eyes flickered with some sort of recognition, and he gave a breathy laugh, pulling at the neck of his- no, Kihyun’s hoodie- nervously.  


“OH! Oh, I’m sorry, really, _ really _ sorry! I just uh, woke up with it, and it was really comfy, you know? I didn’t even realize it wasn’t mine, thought maybe I bought it while drunk or something, ha..” He swallowed then, hard, and Kihyun couldn’t help but let his eyes trail over that Adam’s apple, raising an eyebrow. “I’ll wash it, though, and return it!” Minhyuk continued, smiling brightly at him. Kihyun stared at the smile, his stomach twisting. It really did seem like Minhyuk held no memory of their night together, and that.. It ate away at his ego, leaving nothing but anger in its wake. His friends loved to tease him, call him bossy, naggy even- they loved to say he was mean, or coldhearted. Maybe he felt it, too. Felt it in the way he spoke to Minhyuk next, in the way his chest burned when he saw the hurt register in the other boy’s eyes as his words spat from his lips, with almost no control.  


“Don’t even bother,” he hissed through his teeth, narrowing his eyes up at him. It was only an inch difference, maybe, but it made him so much angrier. “I don’t want it anymore, especially if it’s coming from you. Just keep it, or throw it away- burn it, for all I care.” And maybe he felt a bit of remorse at the soft sound Minhyuk made, like his air had been ripped from his lungs. Maybe, but maybe wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to keep him from throwing a disgusted glance in his direction, from walking off and pretending like he hadn’t seen the way that delicate hand shook as he held it out in Kihyun’s direction, like he was going to say something. Almost, but not enough. His pride was too strong for that. 

================================ 

Breathing in the woody, sweet smell of cedarwood that clung to the jacket now draped over his shoulders, Minhyuk sighed, letting his fingers tap against the table absentmindedly. A deep baritone voice pulled him back into consciousness, gentle fingers shaking him. “Hyung, hyuuung,” Changkyun called, smiling over. “What’s wrong?” Minhyuk sighed and leaned into him, shaking his head. Changkyun always knew how to keep him grounded, could always see when he needed someone to hold onto him. “Did something happen today?” The younger boy asked again, threading his fingers through the delicate blonde hair that sat atop his hyung’s head.  
Minhyuk shook his head once more, scrunching up his nose a bit and wrapping his arms around Changkyun’s waist before giving a long, drawn out sigh. “Well, there was this guy..” He started, and regretted it almost instantly, Changkyun’s hand grabbing onto his cheeks tightly, squishing his face in excitement.  


“A guy??” He asked, his voice lilting ever so slightly. “Was he cute? What did he say? Oh my god, was he like, really cute?” He pressed, making Minhyuk chuckle a bit, shoving the ever so touchy hands away from his face. They were in the library, for heaven’s sake, this was not the time to be clinging to each other _ and _ loud. The librarians hated them enough as it was.  


Thinking back to the encounter as he sat up, flipping through his notebook, Minhyuk nodded. “Yeah, he was cute. But he yelled at me. Guess I stole his jacket?” He shrugged, playing with the sleeves he had tied around his neck. Truthfully, Saturday was just a big.. _ ** blur, ** _ where he had woken up barely able to see, and somehow called Hyungwon to pick him up as he stumbled out the door. Thank any god above for the invention of location sharing, he’d thought to himself, smiling a bit. Really, though, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what had happened. Minhyuk was, of course, quite used to engaging in one night stands, used to waking up disoriented and having to call his best friend to pick him up. What he wasn’t used to, however, was having one of his one night stands confront him- at school, no less!  


“This cute little thing?” Changkyun asked, pulling on the sleeves and smiling close to Minhyuk’s face. “I knew it was too cute for you!” He joked, lifting up the fabric and pressing it to his face. “Ooooh, it’s so _ soft, _ and it smells so good! You should totally date him, I bet he’d do your ever growing pile of laundry for you.”  


Minhyuk scoffed, pulling away from the younger boy and rolling his eyes. “First of all, have you seen my closet? It’s so filled with cute clothes I barely have any room- just because you don’t see them on me doesn’t mean they aren’t there.” He winked then, and Changkyun knew what he meant- knew about the twitter account with special pictures, where Minhyuk looked like an untouchable treasure- something Princess Kaguya herself would have asked a suitor to bring to her. “Second, I don’t think he has any intention. Maybe I fucked him, maybe I don’t remember, ah, I’m not sure, all I know is if looks could kill, I’d be one _ dead _ bottom.” He shrugged, eyes drifting to the textbook beside him, jotting down a quick note in his book. A sigh escaped Changkyun’s lips as he tapped Minhyuk’s hand, eyes shifting to the side.  


“Yeah well, what’s the use of having cute things if no one gets to see them?” His voice was wistful, and Minhyuk felt a familiar twinge in his chest. A reminder of what could have been, what once was, and what never would be again. It tasted.. Bitter. He didn’t want to think about that.  


“Mm, and what about you, huh? Did you leave on Saturday with that handsome beefsteak you were ogling, or someone else?” Minhyuk did his best to smile, keeping his eyes locked on the book below him, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. It was, actually, very interesting, but he couldn’t focus on it. Not with the way he felt Changkyun looking at him, not with the way his heart hurt.  
Kyun hummed, resting his head in his hands as he leaned on the table, eyes flicking to the ceiling for a moment. “I wish. He kept ignoring me though. Maybe he’s a bottom, and he thinks I’m just another bottom, and isn’t interested. Ah, switch culture..” He rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’ve seen him there before though, so this weekend I’ll try again. We’ll see how it goes.” He grinned then, that toothy grin that flashed bright dimples that Minhyuk absolutely adored. Feeling himself relax, the older boy let a deep sigh rush from his nose, while he hoped that maybe, somehow, Changkyun would be able to find his happiness again. So he couldn’t hurt him, anymore.. 

================================ 

“Oh, Hyunwoo, he was so _ fucking, _ ugh! Infuriating, that’s what. And the worst part is, I don’t even understand why. Why does he make me so mad, for fuck’s sake…. He didn’t even say anything inherently wrong, but I just- I.. I don’t know.” Kihyun’s coffee was getting cold, he had been ranting to his friend for maybe an hour now, but he didn’t care. He needed to get it out, and Hoseok would _ not _ have been helpful.  
“Ki, I think you’re overreacting. It was a one night stand, he took your jacket by accident, it isn’t that deep.” Hyunwoo supplied helpfully as he sipped at his coffee, making Kihyun’s eye twitch. Of course, Hyunwoo was the voice of reason. As usual. In fact, the only time Kihyun had ever known him to not be a voice of reason, was during his last relationship.  


He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and finally taking a sip of his coffee, grimacing as the lukewarm liquid touched his tongue. “Mm, sure, it isn’t that deep, but find out your boyfriend has a secret meeting on Fridays and suddenly it’s _ real deep, _ right hyung?” Kihyun didn’t mean to sound so.. Harsh. He was angry and tired, and just like before, words slipped off his tongue before he could stop them. “I- I’m sorry, Hyunwoo, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I.. I mean, I know that you.. You cared. I know-” Hyunwoo was squinting at him then, as if to tell him to shut up. He did, clinging to his cup like it was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him grounded. Hyunwoo simply shook his head, his nose scrunching up a bit. It was a sore subject, his ex, and Kihyun knew it. He knew his words would hurt, and if he was honest with himself, that was the point. He had wanted it to hurt. It was probably his biggest fault, the way he let his words hurt other people. Hoseok was the only one who was ever safe from it- even thinking about that sweet face looking the slightest amount of hurt made his throat sting. It was a wonder Hyunwoo even put up with his smart mouth.  


As if on cue, the older of the two sighed, his eyes slit as he gazed back at Kihyun, making the hair on his neck stand on edge. “All you know about that is what _ I’ve _ told you. Nothing more, nothing less. So let’s ** not ** talk about it.” He raised his eyebrows, and Kihyun nodded, feeling more than small under his gaze. Losing another friend was not something he wanted, no bad mood was worth that.  
“You’re right. Sorry.” Kihyun took a final sip of his coffee before standing and grabbing his bag. “Uh, I should get going. Studying to do, you know.” He gave a quick wave goodbye before exiting the cafe, his heart like lead in his stomach. Today had been.. An eventful day, that was certain. He just needed an ounce of normal to put him back on track. Normal, as normal as studying til he couldn’t see anymore was. Normal. 


	3. Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sitting up straight, he pulled down the sun visor, sliding open the mirror section and gasping as his eyes fell across the- yes, ungodly- sight of his skin. “Jesus christ, Kihyun is a fucking monster, this is ridiculous!” "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry it took so long (don't ask about wanana okay the chapter is like halfway finished with being written i promise) I hit reallllly bad writers block BUT because one of my lovelies reminded me about it I have been working allllll night to get this bad boy //smacks laptop// out to y'all ^^ I really hope you enjoy, please please please leave a comment! It makes me feel all marshmallows and fluff :3 Thank you!

> What I am,  
Is not what you are,  
Because unlike you, I never was human. 

It was not normal. The entire week, all Kihyun could do was stare at that empty space in his closet; think of blonde hair, high cheekbones, and delicate fishnets. Impatient whines, breathy moans, lust-filled eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking of them, even when he was in the middle of a test, even when he has dinner with his parents; he couldn’t stop thinking of Minhyuk no matter how hard he fucking tried. And now? It was saturday again, and it was taking all of Kihyun’s effort, as he lie on his bed face down, not to just say ‘fuck it’ and trek back to that stupid club, to see if Minhyuk and his stupidly attractive face were there again. All of his effort not to call Hoseok right now, and tell him to bring him along. _ All _ of his effort-   
The doorbell rang, and Kihyun shot to his feet at an almost alarming speed, opening the door in record time. His features softened, his heart picking up speed a little when he saw who it was. “Ah, Hoseok. What brings you here?” Voice hopeful, Kihyun examined Hoseok’s outfit, wondering if it was _ club worthy _ or if it was just a ‘stay at home and bother Kihyun’ outfit. It was hard to tell, considering Hoseok commonly looked ready to go clubbing at literally any moment.   


“I brought you chicken!” The older boy chirped, stepping inside the house with a take-out bag in his hand. Kihyun deflated. Why had he been so hopeful, anyways? It’s not like he _ wanted _ to see Minhyuk again, the boy was certainly nothing but trouble. Even if he did have a smile that could rival the sun..   
“Also," Hoseok started, glancing over at Kihyun, "I was thinking maaaaaybe, if you want, we can go clubbing tonight?” He smiled a teensy smile, holding up another, smaller bag, likely filled with clothes. “I bought a cute shirt, just in case!”   
Kihyun’s eyes must have flickered with excitement, for the knowing smile on Hoseok’s face burned into him. No, Hoseok was not Mischievous- but he always seemed to _ know. _

_ __ _

“Ah..” Kihyun started, clearing his throat. “Y-yeah, sounds good. Let’s eat first, and then decide?” He glanced away, anywhere he didn’t have to make eye contact with his best friend. He hated confrontation, after all. (At least, when he was on the receiving end.) 

It didn’t take long for Kihyun to finish getting ready, even with the constant fighting with Hoseok about his makeup choices. The shirt Hoseok had brought for him was surely not one he would have chosen of his own volition, but he had to give him props- this button up looked fucking _ good _ on him. Paired with a simple eyeliner, much to Hoseok’s dismay, he thought he looked rather.. Dashing, if he did say so himself.   
He tried to hide his excitement- no, curiosity. He snorted lightly to himself. Excitement? He simply wanted to know why Minhyuk had this effect on him, why _ he _ didn’t have that effect on _ ** Minhyuk. ** _   
Kihyun was used to men, women, anyone, really, throwing themselves at him- he was used to people begging for him to stay after a one night stand. Truthfully, he had made quite a reputation for himself at their college, and even after choosing to focus on his studies for a few months, he had expected to keep it. But Minhyuk.. Was different. And he was intrigued to find out why. 

================================ 

Finding Minhyuk among the crowd was easy, and yet, Kihyun still felt the breath get knocked out of his chest when that silky blonde hair- now curled, giving his too-tight black skinnies and loose beige sweater a soft, almost innocent look- whisked past him, smile brighter than what should have been possible as he linked arms with a boy smaller than him, leather jacket juxtaposed with his squishy face. He watched as the two of them slid into the crowd of people dancing, watched as they skirted around the tables with drinks, accepting cups from strangers until the two of them were considerably wasted.   
He lost the smaller one during his musings, ordering a few drinks himself and waving off potential partners. He was here for one person, and one person only. 

Said person was hanging off of a guy who could have matched Hoseok in muscle, a man who, while most certainly Korean, held himself like a foreigner. Minhyuk laughed gleefully in his face before letting their lips meet, hands travelling quickly down the large man’s chest, sending an uncomfortable shiver down Kihyun’s spine. He quickly stood to his feet, abandoning the drink he had been working on to make his own way through the crowd. A scholar couldn’t have explained why he felt so.. Insecure, in comparison, a feeling he didn’t know well, but whatever caused it, fueled him to take Minhyuk’s hand and pull him away from the man, and the man’s lips, directly off of the dance floor. 

He stopped and turned to face the confused and, rather flushed, blonde, chewing on his lip as his eyes ran over the taller’s body. How he always managed to look so irresistible was beyond him.

“Kiiiiiiiihyuuuuuun,” the older boy drawled, arms draping over Kihyun’s shoulders with a breathy smile, “Are you still mad? You look mad.” He pouted then, making Kihyun’s stomach twist with want. 

“Mad? Of course I’m mad. You’ve already been such a bad boy and I-” Kihyun froze then, realizing the words had come out of his mouth without hesitation, without thought. Now he was flustered, and a flustered Kihyun was an angry one. 

Huffing in frustration, the shorter male pushed Minhyuk back, gripping that unbelievably soft sweater in his fists and slamming their mouths together, the air coming through his nose hardly enough to keep him sane.   
“Why,” he gasped, breaking apart for a moment before pressing their lips together again, eyebrows furrowed as he pushed his leg between the taller’s knees, a ringing thrill in his ears from the image of the boy beneath him flushed and squirming in public. “Do you,” He smiled then, pulling at Minhyuk’s lip with his teeth and listening to the soft whine that elicited from the older. “Make it so fucking hard to think straight?” 

He pulled back then, holding out a hand to prevent a now wobbly-kneed Minhyuk from melting to the floor. “Minhyuk.” He spoke again once the blonde had regained his footing, voice deep, low, suggestive. The older’s eyes snapped up to him then, filled with want, need, even. “Let’s go. I’m sick of waiting for you.” Turning on his heel, he didn’t check to see if Minhyuk followed him out of the club, simply smiling when he felt thin fingers curl around his arm, that ever present ego swelling once again. 

================================ 

Seeing Minhyuk, lying across his bed with his hands tied lightly above his head, hair sticking to his brow as he panted, exhausted, Kihyun felt his mouth go dry. Before, he had held back. But now? The moment Kihyun had seen the waistband of beautiful (and surprisingly sparkly) fishnets digging into his hip bones, the urge to rip them, while simultaneously digging his nails into the latter’s thighs was too strong to resist. With a quick confirmation of safewords- much to the annoyance of Minhyuk’s whiny ass- Kihyun had shown him _ exactly _ why you should ** never ** forget the name of Yoo Kihyun. 

And now, they were both spent, but Kihyun still felt like he had something to prove, sniffing slightly before kneeling over Minhyuk, smiling at the way those lust-clouded eyes stared up at him. How had they ended up like this? When he had spent the entire week trying to forget about his stupid face, about his pretty legs and the way the crook of his neck smelled deeply of amber and vanilla? He waved the thought away, returning his attention to the man, the almost-stranger beneath him. “Baby,” he cooed, using a thumb to circle around one of his nipples, smiling almost sinisterly at the gasp of surprise that pulled through those swollen lips of his.   
“Say my name. I want to hear you say it.” Maybe it was the power trip that Kihyun went through whenever he found himself topping some sweet-looking boy that kept him rooted here, staring at Minhyuk’s face for any sign of discomfort, pleasure, surprise, _ anything _ that showed how much he affected the taller boy. Maybe losing that was why it had been so hard to get him out of his mind that last week. Maybe hearing, and seeing proof of his own abilities would make it easier to move on, to go back to working on his degree, forgetting that this one- well, now two-night stand had ever happened. 

Minhyuk whimpered softly at the overstimulation, his back arching ever so slightly as he tried to process what Kihyun was saying. “K-kihyun?” He mumbled tentatively, letting out a soft yelp as teeth scraped over his collarbone, barely registering the muffled _ ‘again’ _ as his mind swam, words almost escaping him before he grabbed onto Kihyun’s back, his own nails making moons in the smooth skin above him as he breathed out the younger’s name again, and again, louder, _ louder _ until at last Kihyun was satisfied. 

================================ 

Much to his own dismay, Kihyun had a bleeding heart. It came in handy, however, during aftercare. He would never admit it to his friends, or any sexual endeavor that hadn’t had the pleasure or going that far with him, though. He set the warm washcloth that he was using to clean Minhyuk up to the side, brushing that curly blonde hair out of the already sleeping boy’s eyes and smiling down at him softly. 

Maybe Kihyun was mean, cold-hearted even. Maybe he was labeled as a player, and maybe he liked that. But looking down at Minhyuk, seeing the way his lips curled ever so slightly at the edges, the way his chest rose and fell as he slept, he could forget about who he was for a moment, and just get lost in the sunshine that was Lee Minhyuk.   
But for some reason, it felt like he was forgetting something else, too. Something much more important. 

================================ 

Minhyuk awoke with a soft groan, the watch on his wrist buzzing silently to let him know that it was already 04:30, the designated time for him to slip outside, no matter how much his head begged him not to, so he could call Hyungwon, rather than risk the younger boy calling the police and telling them there was a missing person.   
Squinting, he glanced over at his bed-mate. A strange thing for him to do, honestly, as he never really cared much for them- especially after his ex, but when he saw just who he had slept with, his heart sank. 

Scrambling to his feet, Minhyuk rushed to get out the door, hissing through his teeth at the pain in his legs and back, silently cursing the shorter male for whatever extremities he had put him through before hitting the speed dial button as he buttoned those god-awful jeans that Changkyun had insisted he wear, hopping on one foot to put his shoes and coat on before grabbing the doorknob. A sound behind him made him freeze in fear- confrontation was really _ not _ something he handled well, and while he had been able to cool off (cry) in the bathroom on campus, he wasn’t sure he would be able to do anything more than break down in tears on the floor of Kihyun’s flat if he confronted him while half asleep and _ hungover. _   
Thankfully, the sound had been nothing more than the pink-haired boy rolling over in his sleep, mumbling something under his breath. 

Sighing in relief, Minhyuk opened the door as quietly as he could, shutting the door to the apartment with the _ tiniest _ of clicks before dashing down the hallway, careful not to trip over his own feet as he searched for the building’s exit.   
Much to his relief, Hyungwon was already there, looking far more awake than a normal person should at four in the morning, but Minhyuk figured his friend hadn’t slept at all, yet, and was planning to stop existing for the remainder of the sunday- as was their tradition. 

Climbing into the car, Minhyuk let out a loud groan, throwing his stuff in the backseat and letting his head slam against the glovebox dramatically- you know, all the theatrics.   
Hyungwon cleared his throat, slender fingers tapping against the steering wheel. “Soo..” he started, side-eyeing his childhood friend with a slight smirk. “I see you ended up at the same place twice.. How’s the existential crisis going bub?” 

Minhyuk looked over at him then, and if looks could kill, well, Hyungwon would not be the proud owner of a collection of turtle stuffies that decorated his room in an almost menacing manner. _ They’re like my last ** name, ** _ He continued to insist, though no one really believed that that was the reason for his obsession.   
“Yes, Hyungwon, rub it in that I broke my own rule before the fucking sun comes up, yes thank you, I appreciate it,” Minhyuk hissed, without a lack of scorn. He rolled his eyes then, rubbing his temples with a single hand as they went over a bump, his head bouncing off the glovebox in such a way that he wanted to throw up, right there. “My therapist is gonna fucking _ kill _ me,” he muttered, closing his eyes and letting his face scrunch up in distaste. 

Hyungwon laughed then, much too loudly, it certainly wasn’t _ that _ funny, before turning to look at Minhyuk as they reached a stop sign. “I don’t think she’ll care about the rule that much. She’ll probably make you reflect on it and then you’ll feel bad, but that’s it. However,” he paused, face twisting as he tried to hold back more laughter. “When she sees all those ungodly scratches and bruises across your neck and chest, she might ask if you need to go to sex rehab.” He busted out laughing then, tears pricking at his eyes as the laughter bellowed out. 

Minhyuk’s eyes widened, realizing just what Hyungwon was saying, and why the younger thought it was so funny. Sitting up straight, he pulled down the sun visor, sliding open the mirror section and gasping as his eyes fell across the- yes, ungodly- sight of his skin. “Jesus christ, Kihyun is a fucking monster, this is ridiculous!” His cheeks were red now- usually, his own kinks and drunk-Minhyuk’s sexual escapades didn’t coexist. He did that to forget, that was all, and if he felt like a sexy piece of meat during it, well that was even better. But this second time with Kihyun, well that was a different story entirely, and now he desperately wished he could remember every bit of it. 

“Wait, Kihyun? Like, Yoo Kihyun?” Hyungwon asked, eyebrows raised as he pulled the car into their student housing’s parking lot. Upon seeing Minhyuk nod, Hyungwon frowned, chewing the side of his lip. “Huh. That’s.. Interesting.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments? concerns? interested in other works by me? Check out my twitter @hanuliewritesmx !!!! <3


	4. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He took comfort in the fact that those thoughts were nothing more than his mind trying to make a fool out of him, and so he chose to ignore them, continue on with his ever-so-cheery smile, as if taunting the intrusive thoughts that plagued him. "

> It's four o' clock in Finland,  
And I know that you're asleep.  
I know that you are dreaming, and  
If you're not, you're counting sheep.  


Interesting indeed, Hyungwon thought, staring at the pink-haired classmate who sat across the room from him, casually flirting with the girl who shared his table. Usually, he tried to ignore the sharp-nosed boy for his own sake, the two of them had never gotten along well. But now, he was worried about his best friend, and the potential Kihyun had to destroy all of his progress. 

As the class ended, Hyungwon stood from his seat briskly, walking over to Kihyun’s table and putting a hand on the book the older had started to put away, raising an eyebrow in his direction. “We need to talk,” he mumbled, not missing the way the shorter boy rolled his eyes, shoving the book into his bag after prying it from Hyungwon’s fingers. 

“We can talk now then, as I walk to my next class.” Kihyun stood to his feet, staring pointedly at Hyungwon before stepping forward and out into the hallway. 

“Kihyun. Kihyun stop, wait.” Despite being taller, Hyungwon almost had to sprint to keep pace with the other boy, groaning inwardly at the amount of effort it was taking. “Kihyun, it’s about Minhyuk.” He almost crashed into Kihyun then, the older boy stopping in his tracks and looking up at him with narrowed eyes. 

Taking a deep breath, Kihyun shifted his bag forward on his shoulder. “So you _ are _ friends then, you weren’t just following him around for fun?” A humorless smirk settled on his face then, and it took all of Hyungwon’s effort not to roll his eyes. 

“I don’t- what is that even supposed to mean, Kihyun? Listen, I don’t know what goes on in that tiny head of yours, but I need you to listen to me, just this once.” He watched as Kihyun narrowed his eyes, but felt relief when the older nodded his head, giving Hyungwon the go-ahead to continue speaking. “Whatever _ game, _ this is, that you’re playing with him, you need to be careful. I’m not going to tell you to stop, or him, because you’re both adults, but there is a lot about Minhyuk that _ very _ few people know, and I don’t want to deal with the fallout of whatever this,” He looked Kihyun up and down then, granting himself an offended snort from the older, “is.” 

Hyungwon could practically see the wheels in Kihyun’s brain turning. “Alright, I don’t know what you _ think _ is going on, but whatever it is you’re thinking, you’re wrong.” He took a deep breath then, using his free hand to remove his beanie and run his fingers through his cotton-candy locks. “We fucked. Obviously you know that much. He stole my sweater, I confronted him. He-” Kihyun laughed then, the disbelief evident on his face. “He didn’t even know who I was. Me, Yoo Kihyun! So in a slightly questionable fit of rage, I told him to keep it, or burn it.” He chuckled then, rolling his eyes. “But then, we met again at the bar, he was hanging off some foreign-looking guy, I pulled him away and somehow, things happened again. That’s it. There’s absolutely nothing between us, so you can take your creepy misplaced concern and shove it up your-” 

A muscular arm pulled Kihyun (who was getting uncomfortably close to Hyungwon’s face) back then, placing a hand over the younger’s mouth. “I’m sorry for him, y-you know how he gets when he’s flustered.” A soft yelp of pain indicated that Kihyun had bit Hoseok’s hand at that phrase, and Hyungwon couldn’t help but chuckle, remembering very well just how angry the little man could get. 

Sniffing a bit, Hyungwon shrugged before responding. “It’s fine. I was just talking to him about a.. mutual friend. I should get going anyways.” Pursing his lips, the younger started to walk away then, but paused, giving a kind smile in Hoseok’s direction. “And uhm, it was nice seeing you again. Hope you’ve been doing well.” With a gentle wave, Hyungwon walked off, feeling his heart in his stomach like a lead weight. 

============================================ 

Minhyuk closed the locker with a gentle _ ** click, ** _ safely securing his school stuff in the space he was provided for work. He sighed, glancing up at the clock and scrunching his nose up in distaste. It wasn’t that he disliked his job, no, he actually really loved learning how to make coffee, he loved the smell that clung to him after. It was just hard- balancing school, work, free time, and, of course.. Therapy. He wanted to be free of it, wished he didn’t have to smile into the faces of the strangers who passed him by, pretending like everything was alright, when really, he could feel every passing moment weighing on him, mocking him, telling him to break down, make a scene.  
He took comfort in the fact that those thoughts were nothing more than his mind trying to make a fool out of him, and so he chose to ignore them, continue on with his ever-so-cheery smile, as if taunting the intrusive thoughts that plagued him. 

He had more or less gotten over the fact that he had slept with the same person twice; the deal he had made after the break up with both himself and his therapist was that until he could better handle his emotional outbursts, he would stay away from relationships, and for him, that meant if he was going to sleep with someone, it was just for fun, nothing else.  
Had sleeping with Kihyun been fun? The first time, while he knew he’d had a good time, a decent time at least, he hadn’t been able to remember much; the reason for him going out on Saturdays was to forget the stress of his Fridays, forget how vulnerable he had been just 24 hours prior. Truthfully, he knew it wasn’t healthy- in fact, he knew just how dangerous it was to drink until you can’t see while out in public.. But maybe he didn’t care, instead allowing his self-destructive tendencies to take a greater hold on his life than he had originally intended, with Changkyun enabling him further. 

Now, however, Minhyuk found himself falling into a familiar pattern. _ Hi, how are you, can I take your order, have a ** great ** day, come back soon! _  
The smile on other peoples’ faces always made him feel a little brighter, like he really _ was _ the Sunshine his regular customers claimed he was. Maybe, the too loud voice in the back of his head thought, maybe all he really needed was validation. 

“Enjoy your drink! Come back soon!” He called to the sweet old lady who took her “kids temp” coffee and waved at him before exiting the shop. He went back to the register then, checking his phone in the brief silence of the cafe. Nothing. He wasn’t really surprised, but the disappointment he felt from the lack of response from Jooheon made him feel.. Empty. The bell rung then, and Minhyuk dropped the phone back onto the counter, glancing up with a pleasant smile where despondency had rested just seconds before. “Hello! Welcome-” The smile faltered when his eyes landed on a cotton-candy head of hair, sharp features to match. He cleared his throat then, feigning ignorance and smiling once again, eyes sinking to the counter as he spoke. “Welcome, can I take your order?” His voice betrayed him for just a moment, cracking at the end of his sentence. He prayed the man standing at the counter hadn’t noticed, but a quick glance into humor-filled eyes confirmed that it was in vain. 

“You work here?” Kihyun leaned against the counter, mouth twitching slightly at the appearance of the older, who took a slight step back, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

Clearing his throat once again, Minhyuk nodded, trying to keep a straight face. “Mhm! Have for awhile now.” A sudden thought crossed his mind then, and his hand shot up to cover his name tag - but not without Kihyun noticing. 

“Have you? I usually come before class, but I guess you wouldn’t be here that early, huh?” His eyes locked onto the twitching hand that was clasped around that tiny piece of metal, cocking his head to the side and raising an eyebrow. “I know your name, Minhyuk. What’s the point of covering your-” He paused then, eyes flashing with recognition. “Wait, don’t tell me..”  
An almost sinister smile grew on Kihyun’s face then, reaching forward before Minhyuk could react and pulling his hand away from his nametag, his face lighting up almost immediately. “It’s true! _ You’re _ the one Hoseok is always talking about. Sunshine!” He couldn’t contain his laughter now, becoming even more robust at the look of absolute embarrassment painted across Minhyuk’s face. 

Softly, the taller boy spoke, face unreadable. “Can I take your order?” 

Kihyun’s laughter stopped, swapped for a look of gentle amusement. “Ah, Minhyuk, come on, you don’t have to be embarrassed. I hear good things! Good things.” He pulled out his wallet, pointing up to the menu above. “I just want an iced latte. Extra espresso, thanks.” He handed Minhyuk his card, eyes following his every movement until the card was returned to his hand. “Oh, and Minhyuk?” He asked suddenly, eyebrows shooting up as he remembered the incident with Hyungwon.  
The older looked up from the drink he had started to make, tilting his head in question, his eyes like a doe’s under Kihyun’s sharp gaze. Faltering, the dagger-like words that had been on the tip of his tongue just a moment before melted away, leaving an uncertain feeling in his chest. “Uh, I mean, nevermind. Just- don’t forget the extra espresso, alright? I have a lot of studying to do tonight and I can’t afford to fall asleep.” 

Minhyuk hummed in understanding, and Kihyun turned around, blowing his bangs out of his face and tapping his foot while he waited for the drink to be completed, his heart racing in a way he wasn’t used to. Just when he thought he’d gotten over the elusive blonde.. 

============================================ 

Studying. What Kihyun was used to, what he had intended to do until he inevitably crashed at his desk in a mess of migraines and coffee. Something that made him feel like he had control over his life- because as long as he could organize each of these notes, use them to get the best score in class, he was in control. Right now, however, Kihyun felt very _ not _ in control. 

With a troubled sigh, he reached over to check the time on his phone. _ 01:14 am _ ? So late, and yet he had hardly gotten through the first packet of notes. Something needed to change. Change, yes, that was the answer to his problems. Shooting up out of his chair, he called the one person he knew was irresponsible enough to be wide awake at this hour, who would gladly come over at a moment’s notice. 

============================================ 

So maybe impulse-dying your hair orange at two in the morning isn’t the best decision, but _ damn _ did Kihyun feel hot. Even more so when he (definitely not on purpose) passed by Minhyuk in the hall on the way to meet Hyunwoo in the cafeteria, feeling the taller boy’s eyes locked onto him. This hadn’t been his full intention, no, he just needed to feel like he was in control of another aspect of his life- his hair, but after Hoseok had curled his hair that morning, he couldn’t help but feel like he ruled the world. 

“Kihyun.” A spoon jabbed into his arm then, and the carrot top looked around, zoning back in. 

“Huh?” 

“I was asking you about the assignment we got in our Law and Development class. Did you finish it, or do you want to work on it together now?” Hyunwoo repeated, lips curling upward. 

Kihyun laughed, brushing his bangs out of his face with one hand and using the other to pull his bag up to the table. “I almost finished it, I was going to finish it last night but couldn’t even focus long enough to finish studying. Here,” he fished the paper out and slid it over to his hyung. “This is what I’ve gotten done.” 

Hyunwoo pulled his own paper out then, humming as he looked over the two to find any mistakes either of them had made. “So,” he started, making a note on his paper, “Hoseok said you like someone?” 

Kihyun nearly choked on his food, having to punch his chest a few times to dislodge rice from his lungs. “I- me? Like someone? I slept with him _ twice, _ why does everyone keep trying to make it more than it is?” 

“Well,” Hyunwoo said with a knowing smile, setting the papers to the side, “You must have thought of someone in particular the moment I said it, right? That must mean something.” 

Kihyun sucked a breath through his teeth then, rolling his eyes. “It doesn’t. But what about you, hyung? Anything new?” He smiled over at him, waiting expectantly for a response. 

“Mm.. Well nothing new, really. I thought about what you said last time, though. Maybe you’re right. I was too harsh. So I was thinking about calling my ex, asking him to hang out for coffee or something. Just to talk, fix any bad blood. We’ll see.” Hyunwoo’s face changed then, a look of sad fondness forming. “He’s a good person.” 

Kihyun nodded, eyes serious. “You should call him. If he’s still on your mind after all this time, then he’s definitely important to you.” 

Hyunwoo laughed then, flicking Kihyun’s forehead ever so slightly. “Take your own advice sometime, kid. You might regret it later, like me.” 

The conversation ended then, but it left Kihyun wondering. What was he supposed to do about his own situation, even if he did admit that he had caught feelings? There was no easy answer, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. 

And for Kihyun, that usually meant doing something very stupid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! It was kinda short and I'm V sorry buuuut a lot will happen next chapter so! don't worry too much <3


	5. Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Having spent an entire ten minutes just.. Bawling his eyes out, he was tired. Almost too tired to keep his eyes open. He was less than prepared for a body to collide with his, when he was certain he’d only closed his eyes for a second."

> The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  
But I have promises to keep,  
And miles to go before I sleep,  
And miles to go before I sleep. 

Stuffing another mouthful of candy corn into his mouth, Minhyuk sighed and let his head hit the armrest of the chaise he sat on. Tacky taste for a psychiatrist, in his opinion, but he wasn’t going to bring that up again. 

“So, Minhyuk, tell me about your week,” The old woman spoke calmly, her smooth voice sailing over his head and swirling around his already clouded mind. Squinting his eyes up at the ceiling, Minhyuk shrugged, kicking his legs up onto the other side of his seat with a resounding _ smack! _

“There’s not much to tell. I went to school, Jooheon is still ignoring me, I went to work, served customers, that’s it.” He huffed a breath through his nose then, ignoring the pointed look she gave him at his less than detailed description. 

Taking her glasses off and setting them on her desk, the old woman folded her hands together, smiling over at him. “Oh, I’m sure there’s much more to tell. How was your weekend? Saturday? You’re leaving your most eventful day out.” 

Not for the first time, Minhyuk wished he didn’t have to go to these meetings. He wished he could just live a normal life, casually and without the overwhelming thoughts that plagued him, that made him feel.. “Saturday, was, well, you know, Saturday.” He stated blandly, pushing his intrusive thoughts away as he stuffed his face with more candy corn. 

“Mm, Minhyuk, we’ve talked about how these sessions won’t help you if you don’t open up. You’ve been making good progress, let’s not stunt that now.” 

Minhyuk sat up then, huffing and burying his face in his hands. He _ really _ didn’t want to think about this. Even if it _ was _ Friday, the day he’d dedicated to trying to get better, to trying to sort through everything.  
“Nothing- I,” he grumbled then, his words escaping him as he tried to formulate a coherent sentence. “Okay, fine, I just.. Saturday is my.. Forgetting day. Changkyun always wants to go out and I feel.. I feel _ ** bad ** _ saying no to him after what happened, so I promised him we could go out every Saturday and I use it to just.. Forget. I want to forget.” Pulling his hands away from his face then, he threw a pained glance up to the woman sat at a desk in front of him, who looked particularly unfazed by the word vomit that had escaped his lips. 

“Okay, so what happened _ this _ Saturday to make it so.. Difficult, to talk about?” She asked him then, putting her glasses back on and writing something down on a piece of paper. “Why couldn’t you ‘forget’ this time?” 

Minhyuk thought about it for a moment. Why _ couldn’t _ he forget? The answer was clear, in a name, in a face. But that was something he wanted to forget too. “There’s.. A boy,” he started hesitantly, avoiding eye contact with her.  
The room got quiet then, save for the soft scratching of a pencil on paper, leaving him to marinate in his own anxiety. 

At last, the silence was broken, and Minhyuk couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief as she started to speak once again. “Minhyuk, I believe it would be detrimental to your current plan of..” She paused then, squinting at him as if trying to think of better phrasing, though ultimately sighing and saying the word she knew he hated- “Recovery.. To involve yourself with someone else so soon after your last relationship.”  
Though slightly annoyed, Minhyuk nodded, and she continued. “I’m worried that if you start seeing someone now, rather than a healthy, supportive relationship, it may become a crutch, a dependency that will end in toxicity on both sides. You should focus on yourself, because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy.” 

================================================= 

Of course, Minhyuk always ended his session in tears. Not because he was sad, but because when he was in that space, he felt comfortable enough to let his emotions out. His therapist knew, of course, and was always very supportive.  
Despite initially being forced into coming, Minhyuk was secretly grateful for this day. The one day a week he could just.. Talk. He didn’t have to listen, he didn’t have to think everything over a _ million _ times. He still did, but not nearly as bad, the weight on his shoulders gradually lifted off of him throughout the hour that he spent there. 

However, having spent an entire ten minutes just.. Bawling his eyes out, he was tired. Almost too tired to keep his eyes open. He was less than prepared for a body to collide with his, when he was certain he’d only closed his eyes for a second. 

“Oh dude what the fuck, watch where you’re go- wait, Minhyuk?” The familiar voice made the blonde groan inwardly, opening his eyes to see none other than the brightly orange head of hair that sat atop Yoo Kihyun’s head. “Fancy meeting you here,” the younger continued, smirking up at him. 

A polite smile was offered in Kihyun’s direction as Minhyuk tried to focus. God, he was so tired. He just wanted to go home and take a nap. “What are you doing in this area?” He asked, suddenly curious. There wasn’t much on this side of town, definitely nothing Minhyuk could imagine Kihyun needing. 

Kihyun’s eyes shifted to the side then, making Minhyuk raise an eyebrow. “Oh, I just have to pick something up. It’s not that important.” 

The older boy pondered that for a moment, wondering what on earth he could need. His mind came up blank. Maybe he was too tired. 

“You look cute today.” 

The sentence was so simple, and yet it shook Minhyuk to his core. He blinked, staring down at Kihyun, who, much to his dismay, was eyeing him like a piece of meat. “Uh, thanks?” he asked hesitantly, praying that that would be the end of it. 

“Sweaters really accentuate your.. Frame.” The shorter continued, not getting the hint. In any other case, the blonde would have felt flustered with the compliment. Fridays were not a day that he tried to look good. Truthfully, very slightly, he was flustered- but the exhaustion was consuming his body, and Kihyun was the last person he wanted to play this game with. 

Minhyuk sighed, nodded. “Can we uh, not do this right now, though?” He just wanted to go _ home, _ why was the universe being so hard on him? 

Kihyun’s eyes flicked up to Minhyuk’s face, a devious smirk spreading on his own as he stepped closer. Man, he really didn’t know how to listen. “Why? Are you scared?” Kihyun laughed, and it took all of Minhyuk’s strength not to roll his eyes.  
Raising an eyebrow, Kihyun took another step forward, as if testing the boundaries. “Scared that maybe, you won’t be able to resist? You’re worried that I might mark that neck up so much that you won’t be able to,” Reaching up, the shorter grabbed hold of the collar of Minhyuk’s turtleneck, exposing the fading bruising with a satisfied grin, “hide it? Or maybe,” he leaned forward then, the smell of cedarwood overwhelming Minhyuk’s senses as a pair of lips pressed against his ear. “Maybe you’re scared you’ll call me daddy again, but in public this time?” 

That was the final straw. Minhyuk pushed Kihyun away, once again on the brink of tears. “God, when someone asks you to stop, can’t you just, I dunno, listen?” His face was flushed as he turned on his heel, ignoring the protests coming from the younger as he walked down the street, the overwhelming urge to cry stuck in his throat. 

His phone rang then, just as he reached the end of the street, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes, wondering just who could be calling him at this moment. Both Changkyun and Hyungwon more or less knew to leave him alone Friday nights, so it couldn’t have been either of them. 

His eyes widened when he saw the name that flashed on the screen. Another person he _ really _ didn’t want to talk to, but at this point, he had nothing to lose. Swallowing hard, he slid his thumb across the screen, Minhyuk answered. 

_ Hello? _

_ Minhyuk, hi! Uh, sorry for calling you randomly, but.. I really wanted to talk. _

_ Mm, What about? _

_ I know.. I know we didn’t end well.. And that it was my fault, for overreacting…. But I really just.. I wanted to apologize. And ask if you uh, maybe want to get together sometime, go to a cafe, cat- _

_ Yes. _

_ Yes? I didn’t even- _

_ Yes, let’s hang out. Let’s go somewhere. But uh.. Can you come pick me up? _

_ Is everything okay, Minnie? _

_ It.. Yeah, I just.. I miss you. _ A lie. 

_ Okay.. Well.. Yeah, of course I can come pick you up. Send me your location, I’ll be by in like ten minutes? _

_ Okay. _

_ Alright, well, I’ll see you soon. Stay there, I’m on my way. _

_ Thank you. _

Keeping a steady voice throughout the conversation was difficult, and when Minhyuk hung up, he let out a strangled sob, thankful that no one was around him. Maybe this wasn’t the smartest decision, maybe he shouldn’t have agreed so readily, but right now, he needed a change of pace. 

================================================= 

Kihyun watched Minhyuk go, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. Never before had he had such a difficult time trying to seduce someone. He was Yoo Fucking Kihyun, for god’s sake!

Taking out his phone, his first instinct was to call Hoseok, rant to him about the absolutely ridiculous situation- but before even dialing his number, he had a better idea. One with a lot less talking- and a lot _ more _ fucking. 

================================================= 

Despite his initial aversion to even _ speaking _ to Hyunwoo on the phone, Minhyuk was having a good time. His stress was dissipating, even if only slightly.  
He could feel the older’s eyes on him as he drank his smoothie, the sweet purple drink that gave him so much comfort. Wondering what was going through his mind, Minhyuk glanced back over at him, smiling softly and kicking his legs pleasantly under the table. 

“Minhyuk.” The soft, sweet voice hit his ears, ringing with concern. Minhyuk tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow in question. The older sighed, setting his own drink down and furrowing his brows as he looked down at the blonde. “You never hang out with anyone on Fridays. What happened? Are you okay?” 

Minhyuk pouted into his straw then, sighing in slight annoyance. “I’m fine, Hyunwoo. Why did you call me then? Hm? You know it’s Friday. Isn’t that why you broke up with me in the first place? My unavailability on Fridays?” 

Hyunwoo leaned forward, taking one of the younger’s hands into his. “Minnie, I’m sorry. That’s why I wanted to talk. I wanted to apologize properly. I don’t want us to be strangers.. And I didn’t call you today to see you today, I just figured.. You were most likely to pick up the phone if I called you today....” 

Minhyuk snorted, wishing he hadn’t been right. This was the day he was the most vulnerable, they day he allowed himself to feel the worst, his walls broken. Anyone close to him knew that much. Pursing his lips, he turned to look out the window, pressing the straw between them. He didn’t know what to say. Their break up had sent him spiraling in a way he hadn’t expected, and of course Hyunwoo wouldn’t know that. He wouldn’t know, because they didn’t share any classes. He wouldn’t have known about Hyungwon taking care of him for two weeks, or how he had looked like a ghost when he came back to class at last. He wouldn’t know, and Minhyuk wouldn’t tell him. It wasn’t his responsibility to deal with Minhyuk’s own self destructive tendencies, and he wouldn’t try to make him. 

“Minnie,” Hyunwoo started again, squeezing his hand gently. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about what you do on Fridays, okay? It’s not my business. Especially.. Now.” 

“What have you been up to lately Nunu?” Smiling over at him, he changed the subject, wishing the hand over his didn’t make his heart feel like it was going to explode at any moment. 

Sniffing a bit, Hyunwoo sat back, shrugging slightly. “Ah.. I started an internship. Actually, it gets kind of.. Lonely? So I asked my friend Kihyun to join me, but he declined. Guess he’s too busy.” 

“Kihyun? A friend of yours?” 

“Yeah, honestly, it was an unlikely friendship, and we fight a lot, but we always make up in the end. Why?” Hyunwoo raised an eyebrow at him, and Minhyuk shook his head quickly, looking back to the side. 

“Nothing. Just curious.” He kept his eyes locked on the window, certain his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, and didn’t notice as the now-loose collar of his turtleneck fell. 

A sharp gasp escaped Hyunwoo’s mouth, and before Minhyuk could react, there were cold fingers pressed to his neck, making him squeal in surprise and flinch back into his chair. “Minhyuk, what the _ fuck _ happened to you?” 

Blinking slowly, it took Minhyuk a moment to realize what had happened, and what he was talking about. He flushed deeply, pulling his collar back up and staring down at the table. “Oh.. Uh.. It’s not as bad as it looks, I just.. Got really drunk at the club last Saturday and uh.. I can’t remember what happened,” He lied, averting his eyes. He wished he could sink into himself, hide within the folds of his sweater. 

Hyunwoo nodded, quietly going back to his drink, and Minhyuk sighed in relief, happy that he wasn’t going to have to explain himself more. At this rate, he’d probably cry again. 

================================================= 

He knew Minhyuk was lying. He knew there was more to the story, secrets the younger didn’t want him to know. He knew, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, for the remainder of their time in the cafe, Hyunwoo simply listened to what Minhyuk had to say, to the stories of silly things that happened in his classes while they hadn’t had contact. He listened, watching those bright eyes light up when he laughed, watched him excitedly tip their server, and watched him wave goodbye when Hyungwon came to pick him up. But his heart was in pain. 

He was jealous. There was no other word for it. No word for the way he felt, knowing there was someone in Minhyuk’s life again, that someone else could be making him smile like that, that someone else was sharing secrets with him- he was beyond jealous, and made a mental note: he would be someone in Minhyuk’s life who he could share his secrets with once again, become part of his life, once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's been awhile, and to my Twitter readers, I'm very sorry, I don't know when I'll be back on there. It.. Hurts. To go on that account, I don't know. Regardless, I'm sorry, but if you are interested in reading something of mine still, I will be trying to update these regularly, AND! I have another account that has an ongoing Wolfpup AU, which you can find here: https://twitter.com/WolfpupAu
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and please comment! It makes writing worth it to see others react <3


	6. Effortless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was quiet then, as Kihyun worked, doing his best to be gentle even as he scrubbed, until finally Minhyuk was clean, and by the looks of it, starting to sober up. Finally, Kihyun sat up straight, feeling like he could breathe. The feeling didn’t last long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi~ I'm back ^^  
There are very subtle mentions of implied violence in this chapter and there is some mention of blood involved too, but don't worry! It's not graphic <3 the scene itself is not in here at all, just implied~

>   
Effortless  
you're easy to love  
I'm easy to leave  


It wasn’t enough. No matter how attractive or intriguing the honey-skinned boy was, it just wasn’t enough. He was cute, he was fun, but he didn’t hold the same power that Minhyuk did in bed. No, he was soft, breakable. Kihyun enjoyed his time with the younger, but in comparison to the past two times he’d fucked someone, it was.. Lackluster. All he could think of the entire time was Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk’s Lips, Minhyuk’s Hair, Minhyuk’s Voice, the way he whimpered his name so prettily. It was maddening, really, to look down at such a gorgeous face and still have someone else in his mind’s eye. 

Now, Saturday evening, Kihyun was begging his mind to shut the fuck up, begging it to quiet down so he could study in peace. It wasn’t a lot to ask for, really. Staring over at the clock, Kihyun sighed softly to himself. He wanted to go to the club, wanted to see if the pretty, mysterious blonde was there once again, he wanted to steal him away from someone he was certain didn’t deserve him.. But he couldn’t.   
No, rather than go out and enjoy himself like his friends were wont to do, Kihyun knew his own responsibility- and an upcoming test meant he had to study like his life depended on it. 

But maybe..   
Maybe, he thought, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go to the store now, while everyone was partying or at home, to do some late night shopping. And maybe, just _ maybe _ he could walk by the club on his way, just take a simple peek, nothing more. 

Grabbing his jacket, Kihyun speed-walked out the door, confident in his ability to look and leave- but he wondered at the likelihood of even seeing Minhyuk, especially so late in the night, when the boy was certainly known to cling to the nearest hunk of meat while clubbing. The thought made him shiver. 

================================================= 

Kihyun was disappointed. There was no other word for it. No matter how hard he looked, even standing on his tippy toes to get a better look into the club from the outside, he didn’t-couldn't see the blonde. And with how flashy (or rather, absolutely breathtaking) the other looked when he went out on Saturdays, Kihyun knew he would have been able to catch at least a glimpse. He must have gone home with someone else already. 

If someone asked, Kihyun wouldn’t have been able to explain the feeling of jealousy that burned through his chest at the thought. Maybe it was just his ego, feeling slighted that Minhyuk would choose someone else when he’d been pursuing him so persistently, so confidently. He rarely made such an effort when it came to someone he wanted to fuck, and he was a little offended that when the two of them were so obviously attracted to each other, he was still being rejected. 

With a frustrated groan, Kihyun kicked at the pole in front of him. Minhyuk didn’t deserve his effort. Hyungwon had told him to stop playing games? Fine, then he would. He was gaining nothing from this game of chase, save for a massive headache.   
Just as the thought crossed his mind, a soft rustling came from the alley beside him, making him almost piss himself in fright. He was fully ready to pull his phone out and call the cops, when his eyes landed on a pair of feet sticking out from behind a trash can. Feet connected to a _ very familiar _ set of legs, clad in ripped skinnies and fishnets, a sight he’d never forget.   
“Minhyuk?” He called hesitantly, stepping over the garbage to get a closer look at him. 

A gasp escaped Kihyun’s lips when he saw the state the older boy was in: hair mussed, nose bloody, the makeup used to cover the fading hickeys almost completely gone- he was a mess. Even his jeans were ripped, making Kihyun worry at how rough the scuffle had been.   
Luckily, the blonde seemed to be awake, though, judging by the way his head kept lolling to the side, he was far from sober. “Minhyuk, what happened? Can you talk to me?”   
Kihyun felt his heart racing. When he’d come out, he had wanted to see Minhyuk, yes, but not like this. 

“‘m, can’t, -rts,” Minhyuk slurred, blinking up at Kihyun. “I -n’t do….” He pouted then, whining and slumping forward. The shorter boy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what Minhyuk was trying to say, but it was obvious he was absolutely wasted. 

“Alright buttercup, let’s get you up onto your feet.” Kihyun said suddenly, making a decision himself. He wasn’t going to leave him behind, no matter how much the older boy frustrated him. Bending down, he grabbed him underneath his arms, pulling until they were both standing once again. “Holy shit you’re like a lead weight,” Ki grunted, steadying Minhyuk as he started to wobble. “Here, get onto my back.”   
Turning, Kihyun reached back until he felt Minhyuk’s hands, who had thankfully stretched out toward him in response. “Attaboy,” he mumbled, hiking the older onto his back with a strained groan, bouncing him up until he was safely wrapped around his body. Sighing in annoyance, Kihyun shook his head and turned around, heading for the only place he thought to go- home. 

================================================= 

Minhyuk was _ fucking _ heavy. The sigh of relief that escaped Kihyun’s lips as they stumbled through his doorway was so loud he was sure he’d woken the neighbors. He wasn’t finished, however. Next on the agenda was to get the burden off of his back and into the bathtub, so he could clean the filth off of him and check for any other wounds. 

After lugging him to the bathroom, Kihyun was surprised to find the older protesting as he tried to peel the soiled clothing off of him, mumbling incoherently once again.   
“Shh, I’m not gonna do anything funny to you. I just want to clean you up, okay? I promise.” He spoke softly, softer than he’d spoken to probably anybody, giving Minhyuk a sweet smile of reassurance. At last the older gave in, holding his arms out like a baby to help Kihyun remove his shirt. Shirt, shoes, and bottoms gone, left were only accessories, and once again Minhyuk protested against Kihyun’s hands as he came down to one final piece- his smart watch. “Minhyuk, please, I’m just trying to help you, stop fighting me!” He was getting frustrated now; they were both tired, and Kihyun didn’t want Minhyuk to pass out while in the tub- or worse, throw up. _ Finally _ he got the watch off, and set it on the sink triumphantly. 

With the clothes discarded and a bath drawn, Kihyun helped the blonde into the tub, wetting a washcloth and very gently wiping the dried blood from his face, shushing him softly when he cried out in pain at a particularly deep scrape. “I know, I know. It’s gonna sting a bit, but you’ll feel better after, don’t worry.” 

It was quiet then, as Kihyun worked, doing his best to be gentle even as he scrubbed, until finally Minhyuk was clean, and by the looks of it, starting to sober up (he’d kept his head up for the last fifteen minutes, at least.) Finally, Kihyun sat up straight, feeling like he could breathe.   
The feeling didn’t last long. 

No, when Kihyun looked down at Minhyuk then, instead of a face of relief, he was met with big, fat tears streaming down the older boy’s face. “Minhyuk honey, what’s wrong? It’s okay. You’re all clean now, so I’m gonna let the water out now and get you some pajamas, okay?” He ran his fingers through his hair, wiping a tear off with his other thumb. “Don’t cry.. It’s gonna be okay.” 

Minhyuk sniffled then, croaking as he tried to speak. “K-kihyun..” 

“Shh shh it’s okay, I’m here, okay? We can talk about what happened in the morning.” 

“I’m s-so sorry Kihyun, I’m sorry,” he whispered, the tears coming faster. Kihyun tried to speak again, but was cut off by Minhyuk, who in a very, very small voice, asked, “You’re not gonna hurt me too, are you?” 

It took a moment for Kihyun to gather his composure at that, staring down at him with furrowed brows. Biting down on his lip, he finally spoke, wiping another tear from the blonde’s cheek “I don’t want to hurt you, Minhyuk. That’s the truth.” 

The words seemed to be enough for the older boy, as he stopped crying and settled back into the lukewarm water. Kihyun frowned a bit, taking his time as he emptied the bath, quickly wrapping Minhyuk in a warm towel before going to find a pair of pajamas for him. His heart was hurting now. No, even when his words had been harsh and he’d been mean on purpose, he never really wanted to hurt Minhyuk. But now, even though his hands were clean, he felt responsible for the pain in the older’s eyes. As hard as it was going to be, as difficult his patterns and coping mechanisms were to break, he was going to try to be a kinder person, in the hopes that he wouldn’t have to see that pain again. 

================================================= 

After Kihyun managed to get the pajamas onto Minhyuk, (wow, dressing a full grown man was a _ lot _ harder than he’d expected) the two of them laid in bed finally, thick comforter snug around the both of them. Kihyun stared over at Minhyuk, eyes trailing over his still-wet lashes, down to his nose, and over his lips. It was the first time he’d really seen him without makeup. 

Even at school, Minhyuk always wore makeup. It was toned down, dull, when they were on campus, making him soft and pretty rather than powerful and god-like, but he wore it, nonetheless. Now, without any, Kihyun was taking as much time as possible to appreciate the natural beauty of his features. Yes, he had blemishes. And soft, faded scars that definitely had much care taken to them. But he was beautiful, regardless. 

“How does someone like you even exist?” Kihyun whispered then, and for once, he wasn’t talking about appearances, or sex. Rather, he was referring to the way Minhyuk had made him feel- for how he had slammed into his life unexpectedly and made him question everything in an instant.   
Kihyun wasn’t the type of person to deeply care for someone he was with; that’s what he told himself. When he hurt someone he dated, he told himself: it’s okay, because that was just who he was. That was what he told Hoseok, when his friend tried to set him up with someone- because he didn’t want to hurt them, knowing he was the kind of person to hurt those he was closest with. 

But Minhyuk made him question everything. 

Unable to keep his hands to himself any longer, Kihyun pulled Minhyuk to his chest, biting down on his own lip as he struggled to find answers to the thoughts swimming inside his head. Seeing Minhyuk hurt, made him want to protect him. But Kihyun, this Kihyun, the one he’d worked so hard to create an image for.. He wasn’t like that. 

…. Was he? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I came back to post this a little early because I'm trying to get as much out before I go to Chicago for Jingle Bash! Please leave comments of what you think? Thank you <3 Little crumbs like that really make writers very happy ^^ It gives us a reason to keep writing :)


	7. Fallin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That was it all along right? He’d rather feel physical pain, than deal with the emotional pain he kept putting himself through. That was his reasoning, right? He was just so, so tired now, and he just.. He just wished it would all end."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks so much for reading <3

> and the charity of cold  
chimes forever  
in a sea of salt 

The sun was burning into his eyes, and the sores that speckled his arms and legs stung, likely having opened while in his sleep- he tossed and turned relentlessly, it didn’t come as much of a surprise. However, the arms that were wrapped tightly around his body left him feeling warm and cozy, despite the light that shone uncomfortably on his face, and he couldn't help but smile into the comfort. 

Wait. Minhyuk jolted awake, sitting straight up and looking around in panic. Arms? Light? His heart slammed against his chest as he detangled himself from the arms that had kept him feeling safe just moments before, waking up the younger in the process. He looked down at him, surprised to see none other than Yoo Kihyun blinking his eyes awake, grogginess painted over his face. 

“Where you goin’?” Kihyun mumbled, stretching and rubbing his eyes. He didn’t seem to notice the state of panic the blonde was in, or maybe he didn’t care. Regardless, Minhyuk wasn’t about to sit around and chat. He needed to leave. 

Without answering, Minhyuk slid out of the bed, scanning the room until he found a pile of folded clothes that looked oddly familiar, and grabbing them when he realized they were his. His eyes fell on the watch he kept on at all times, stomach turning when he realized why he hadn’t woken up in time to call Hyungwon and leave. With that, he turned again and grabbed his phone off the desk, ready to head out at once. 

Before he could, however, a hand grabbed at his wrist, and Minhyuk winced in pain, turning to see a frustrated and confused Kihyun. “Hey! Answer me when I’m talking to you, you can’t just ignore me??” 

The blonde boy looked at him for a moment, resting a hand on the one that held him in place before speaking, his voice soft, shaking. “Kihyun.. Listen, I don’t know what happened, okay? I don’t know, but please, just let me leave. I need to leave. Okay? It’s not because of anything that happened, it’s not because it’s you, but I _ need _ to leave.” He prayed that the desperation in his voice would convince the younger, prayed that he wouldn't ask questions Minhyuk couldn't answer. 

There was silence then, as Kihyun searched Minhyuk’s face for answers, where he saw none. Finally, releasing his hold on the older’s wrist, Kihyun sighed, hesitating a moment before nodding. “Fine, you can go. No questions asked.. But like.. I have a condition.” He quickly held up his hands upon seeing fear in Minhyuk’s eyes, shaking his head. “It’s nothing weird! I just.. Give me your number, okay? Last night uhm..” He cleared his throat, looking away before speaking again. “It really scared me? So like if you could just give me your number, I would feel a lot better. That’s my condition.” He gave Minhyuk a side glance, gauging his reaction. 

At first, Minhyuk wanted to flat out refuse. It felt like it broke his biggest rule, establishing an outside connection with someone he was only supposed to see once. But he saw the look in Kihyun’s eyes, fear, determination, and pain, and he couldn’t refuse anymore. “Okay.. I guess. Here,” He tossed the phone at Ki, folding his arms across his chest and looking away. “Call yourself. Then I’m leaving. No exceptions.” 

Kihyun smiled, nodding, and looked down at the phone to input his own number. His eyes widened upon seeing the amount of missed calls the older had on his phone, and couldn’t help but chuckle in disbelief when he scrolled through them, seeing that they all shared the same name. “Wow, Hyungwon certainly cares about you. He might as well be your boyfriend.” He called his own number then, not noticing the way Minhyuk deflated at his words. He handed the blonde’s phone back then, watching as the now completely silent boy grabbed the rest of his things and walked out the door, leaving a confused, and, admittedly, distraught Kihyun behind. 

================================================= 

It didn’t take long for Hyungwon to arrive at Kihyun’s place, though Minhyuk could have done without the judgemental look he got as the younger looked him up and down, taking in his ragged appearance and borrowed pajamas. 

The trip to Hyungwon’s house was made in complete silence, neither of them feeling comfortable within the car to mention anything, and Minhyuk wished that the same could have been said for when they got inside the apartment. He was tired, he was sore, he wanted to cry. He did _ not _ want to talk about his possibly shitty life choices. 

To his relief, at least, Hyungwon seemed to have listened to the call of his stomach before the call of his curiosity, heading straight to the kitchen to heat up food he had likely made in preparation for their morning together- Sunday morning, where the two of them ate breakfast together and spent the rest of the day cuddling, watching TV, sleeping. It was their weekly tradition, but now everything felt.. Wrong. 

The food was in the microwave now, and Minhyuk sat down at the table, head in his hands. He was so confused, so frustrated; he didn’t even know how he ended up at Kihyun’s, or why. He hadn’t seen the fiery red-head once that night, and yet somehow he’d ended up in the comfort of his arms once again- and he hated it. 

“Minhyuk.” That eternally groggy voice shook the older from his thoughts, and Minhyuk looked up to see his lanky friend taking the seat across from him, though the food was still being heated. 

“Huh? What’s up?” The blonde replied, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

“Minhyuk.. What the fuck happened?” Hyungwon was never the type to beat around the bush. He was blunt, and expected honestly in return. It was something Minhyuk respected and admired, usually, but today he just didn’t want to talk about it. 

“Hyungwon, I don’t know.. It’s really just a blur..” He kept his eyes lowered, but could feel the glare from the younger burning into his skull. 

“Bullshit, Minhyuk. You did this before you and Hyunwoo dated, and you were fine. You did it after you two broke up, and you were fine. We’ve had this schedule almost consistently for like, three years now, so what the _ fuck _ is going on with you, dude?” 

Minhyuk winced, then, the sound of Hyungwon’s voice piercing through him. “Shhh, shh oh my _ god _ have some hangover courtesy, please. Fine, okay, I remember some of last night, but it’s, it’s not relevant to the current question. Okay? Let’s have story time before eating, yeah that sounds fun.” He rolled his eyes then, hoping the dramatics would change Hyungwon’s mind, but he was given no more than an eyebrow raise. Hyungwon simply folded his arms and sat back in the chair, nodding for Minhyuk to continue. 

Heaving a long and lengthy sigh, Minhyuk flopped forward onto the table, staring at his hands as he spoke. “I went out with Changkyun, as usual, I looked cute as shit, as usual, and I was just, dancing, having a good time, feeling myself. Kihyun _ was not _ at the club. Which I was very thankful for, though I guess in the end it didn’t matter. Anyways,” he cleared his throat, squinting as he tried to search his mind for memories. “There was a guy there that I saw last week, really hunky, kind of like Hyunwoo, but like.. His voice was real deep and he had blonde hair? Yeah I saw him last week and I almost went home with him then but somehow Kihyun pulled me away, that little man is strong and terrifyingly feisty, wow.” Hyungwon grunted then, and Minhyuk’s face flushed, remembering the point of his story. 

“Well we were hitting it off really well, I was being a sexy little thing and we left the club together. At this point I was like.. Close? To blacking out? Well, we got a little further from the entrance, and he like.. Pushed me, and he started spitting in my face like yelling, calling me a whore and stuff, he even went so far as to wipe the makeup off my collar bones, the makeup I used to cover those god awful marks that Kihyun left last week. I don’t really remember what happened then, uh, the alcohol hit me really hard, but I remember getting hit in the face and pushed into the dirt, after that there’s nothing.” 

He waited for Hyungwon to answer, but at that moment, the microwave dinged, and Hyungwon held up a finger before grabbing the food and setting a plate in front of Minhyuk, sitting back across from him and resting his head in his hands. 

“Minhyuk..” 

“I know what you’re thinking, but this is like, a one time thing! I’ll just.. Adjust my rules to include people I almost went home with. It’s fine, really.” He gave Hyungwon a reassuring smile and grabbed a spoon, grateful that Hyungwon’s meal of choice had been porridge. 

Hyungwon watched as Minhyuk took a bite of his food, swallowing before speaking again. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to go out anymore on Saturdays if things like this are going to happen. I don’t even care about Kihyun, anymore, because from the sounds of things, he’s the only reason you’re sitting in front of me right now, alive. How am I supposed to just.. Send you off? Knowing that you might not come home next week? I was so worried this morning, Min, I wanted to throw up. I can’t do this anymore, not in good conscience.” 

Minhyuk froze, staring down at the food in front of him. His stomach tightened, and suddenly he was far from hungry. When he spoke again, his voice was small, almost a whisper. “What about Changkyun?..” 

Hyungwon laughed then, though it was void of humor. He stood up from the table, looking down at the blonde boy with a mixture of anger and frustration. “You’re destroying yourself over something you had no control over! Do you think this is healthy, Minhyuk? Do you think drinking so much you can’t see, every week, is healthy? Do you think he really fucking cares that you do this for him? Do you? How does it help him in any way? The moment you two get in there, he ditches you. You’re worth so much more than this! I don’t think Changkyun even _ knows _ that besides you needing to compensate for the pain you’re feeling in your life, that you’re doing this mostly for him, because you feel bad about something that happened in the past. I’m tired of you destroying yourself because of this!” He was panting now, unable to keep his emotions under lock and key. 

A few moments of silence passed, Hyungwon’s heart breaking as he watched tears stream down the older’s cheeks. “Minhyuk, I’m sor-” He was interrupted, then, as Minhyuk pushed the food away from himself and stood up from the table, turning to walk out the door. “Wait, don’t go, Minnie, I didn’t mean to make you cry, please, don’t go!” He reached out a hand, moving to stop him, but winced as the door was slammed in his face, leaving him alone, his heart overwhelmingly heavy. 

================================================= 

Minhyuk felt the familiar taste of copper in his mouth as he ran down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to sit on the edge and just let his tears flow. He was so tired of hurting, so tired of feeling like every decision he made was the wrong one. Of course, there was reason to Hyungwon’s lecture, but he’d thought that out of everyone, he could count on the younger to understand. Now he was in pain, so much pain that it was hard for him to breathe. 

“I don’t know what to do..” He sobbed to himself, wrapping his arms around his body and leaning into the cold wind that was blowing against his body, grateful to feel something physical, something real. That was it all along right? He’d rather feel physical pain, than deal with the emotional pain he kept putting himself through. That was his reasoning, right? He was just so, so tired now, and he just.. He just wished it would all end. 

Sniffling, Minhyuk sat up a little straighter, pulling out his phone with a cold, shaky hand. Well, it wasn’t going to end any time soon, he figured, so instead he might as well try something else, or rather, someone else. Dialing the number, Minhyuk hiccuped and pressed the phone to his ear, smiling when he heard an answer after only two rings. “Hyunwoo.. Yeah, I’m okay, uh, can I come over?..... Yeah, sure. I’m outside Hyungwon’s. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure, everything is fine. Mhm, but like.. Can you bring a jacket? I’m really cold. Yep! Thanks. See you soon.” 

When the dial tone sounded, Minhyuk let his arm fall, and pressed against the brick wall next to him with a sigh, closing his eyes. No, it wasn’t ending any time soon, but if he could at least make himself feel a little better, well.. That was good enough for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Yeah, I finally added a chapter length, because here feels like it's about.. halfway? But it might change over time! Who knows?? Please please please leave a comment! It would make me super duper happpppy ^^


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